I’m sure John doesn’t know that I remember today is his birthday, but I do.  Alone in our bedroom last night, I asked him what he missed the most.

“My kids,” he answered.  I could feel the sorrow in his voice, and I thought of my Eric in Florida, and wondered when, if ever, I would hear from him again and my heart stuttered.  We were silent for a while.  I thought he had fallen asleep, then he chuckled and went on. “And smokes.”

I was surprised at that!  I had forgotten that he was a smoker; he had apparently detoxed before he came here, as it’s never come up.  This isn’t what I expected so there was no covert way to ask about his favorite foods.

We try to have meals at the table and together, so after admitting I was getting bored with toast, I asked what everyone else missed eating.  I can be sneaky, I’m proud to say!  Jason misses deep fried perch; Jacob misses French fries; and John… misses pizza.  I would surprise him by fixing pizza for dinner tonight for his birthday!

I knew that in the back of the refrigerator, staying cool, were several 8 oz. blocks of cheese and I was fairly certain there was some mozzarella. Mozzarella, Colby and occasionally Cheddar were the only ones I bought.  I knew I had stored cans of mushrooms, my own tomato sauce and that there was a stick of pepperoni in the cooler outside.  All these years I’ve been prepping, I’ve tried my hardest to always have on hand enough of whatever I needed to make whatever I wanted.  It was now paying off:  I could make a pizza!

While John was outside getting wood, I pulled Jason aside and told him of the plans.  I know Jacob loves pizza, too, so while I was putting the pizza together I asked Jason about Jacobs share.

“I’d say just a good size single piece.  He always ate one of those mini-pizzas.  Just no mushrooms and the pepperoni needs to be cut small.  I’ll do it if you want,” it warmed my heart to see how much he loves his son.  Even though there were two blocks of mozzarella I shredded only one, saving the other for a future treat.  The cheese was scant but the pepperoni was plentiful.

It was a fun night; some of it was a surprise for me too.  During the afternoon class lessons, that John and I tend to ignore unless we’re helping, Jason had Jacob make John a birthday card!  It was impossible to hide making the pizza from John, but when we sat down for dinner Jacob gave John a hug and the hand drawn card.  I could see him getting choked up.

“How did you know?” John asked me later.

“You told me months ago, maybe even a year ago,” I smiled, remembering when I asked, and why.  I’ve had feelings for John for a long time, he just never knew it.  “I’m just sorry I have no gift to give you.”

He tightened his grip around me as we lay there in bed.  “That you even remembered is my gift.  I can’t remember ever being so content, Deb, so needed, so wanted.”  He kissed my hair. “Thank you.”