January 31
Posted on: February 1, 2013Jason spent some time over at Tom’s today, and that’s great; he needs to get out of the house too. I took Jacob for a sled ride, and gave John some needed alone time.
For exercise I would walk my road; oh, that seems like such a long time ago. It’s a short road, only ½ mile loop, but a safe road to be on. If I walked up to the main road in one direction and then back to the other end, and back home, I walked one mile. With Jacob sitting happily in the sled, I walked near the main road, but not up to it; I wanted to stay out of sight from any possible traffic. Towing an 8 year old up slopes was hard work! Still, our walk lasted almost an hour as we stopped to listen to the birds, or for me to catch my breath. We had a pleasant time together, but I was glad to get back to the warmth of the stove.
When Jason got back home, he told me how Norene was going on and on about what she’s going to plant this spring – in MY garden. They haven’t even asked ME if they can use that space again. They just assume they can have it because I’ve let them in the past. When I told Jason that I was taking my space back, he admonished me! My own son! He said I had to be careful not to hurt their feelings; that they are family and neighbors. WHAT?? Aren’t I their family and neighbor? What about my feelings? They’ve never even said thank you for the three years I’ve allowed them that 12×12 patch. For three years I’ve sacrificed what and how much I want to plant so they could have something. Meanwhile, all she plants at their place are flowers! Considering the events of the past couple of months, they need to adjust their priorities, and I need to plant more food.
Tom rototilled the entire garden the first year, and that was nice; I appreciated the gesture, but he hasn’t offered since. I had to buy my own tiller after that, which cost me a lot of money; and this Fall I had to pay someone to till for me because my shoulder was so bad after a summer of working: more money. When the bear kept ripping down the fence, I paid for and installed electric fencing, even more money; I did, they never offered to pitch in, even though it protected their garden too. And when they had excess, they never even offered me a single zucchini when mine wasn’t ready. I’m tired of being used.
So when do I get to be first?? Why am I always the one who has to give in? I’m constantly being treated like I don’t count, someone else is always more important; I have to be careful of hurting everyone’s feelings but no one cares about MINE, and I’m tired of it. Why do I have to tiptoe around someone who wants something from ME? Or wants something of MINE? That’s just backward. I try so hard for everyone else, but no one cares about me.
I can’t believe this is happening right now – it’s only January! None of us can plant until May anyway. I love my brother, but I’m angry at them right now. I need to calm down before I talk to them. My pleasant mood is shattered.
yes, Marie, I should have realized they were like this by the way they voted these last two elections! it’s all gimmee, all entitlement.
It is amazing what people will expect when they have received without being required to give back.
Somehow it becomes their entitlement and to challenge the situation is to bring criticism and disbelief from seemingly everyone.
I have a brother something like this who has taken advantage of my generosity.
For Christmas I helped pay his gas money to drive from Georgia to visit, bought him an expensive mattress heater for a present, and fed him for 2 weeks.
He did not even get me a card-however he felt free to criticize me. One night he yelled at me and I informed him that what he’d done was violent and I would NOT tolerate it in my house. He left the next day to visit other sibs.
We’re back to talking now-but I’ve decided he’s had his last “free” ride from me! ENOUGH is enough already!
Why is confronting others to defend our rights so difficult and painful?
Every year I expand my garden. Some years only a few square feet, other years 100, 150, 200 sq.ft. And every year mom wants me to raise certain crops for her, of which she usually offers to other people, one of my sisters in particular.
Now I know mom is no longer able to work a garden, she is 89 yo; the sister I mentioned is over 70 and not able to do a lot either, not that I would ask either of them; but it would be nice to be asked about my plans before mom started making her plans.
The thing that I try to keep in mind is that a day is soon coming when mom will no longer be around, and I am sure I will think about her every time I am out working in the garden.
Send this journal entry to your brother and see what develops???
“…So when do I get to be first?? Why am I always the one who has to give in? I’m constantly being treated like I don’t count, someone else is always more important; I have to be careful of hurting everyone’s feelings but no one cares about MINE, and I’m tired of it….”
when do you get to be first? WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
With certain people, you canNOT expect them to think of this stuff on their own. They have already proven that in the past. They don’t think ahead. They don’t plan for what-ifs. You know that. just be grateful they already are spilling the beans so you can take measures now.
Come up with a plan you can live with — or else they will come up with a plan you CAN’T live with (& just might die on).