February 21

Posted on: February 21, 2013

The days seem to just slide on by.  We have all lapsed into our own routines that see little change and even less variation.  John hauls wood; I bake and cook; Jason shovels snow; and we all pitch in giving lessons to Jacob.

Jason is just about to make the move over across the road.  I still don’t like it.  Jacob has been over there several times with Jason while he checks everything over and over and keeping it heated.  The little guy is excited about having his own room again and I’m letting him take most of the toys that I’ve had here for him; I will keep a few.  The school supplies go with them too; after all, I stocked it for Jacob – it’s his.

One of the surprises we got happened early this afternoon.  Several guys from town showed up with the flatbed truck and the township backhoe to dig out the eight silent 4-wheelers; I will be glad to see them gone; they are too much of a reminder of sadder days.

“Hey, Petey, come to take away my road junk?” I laughed as I walked up to the busy crew.  Some days I just have to laugh to keep from crying.

“Well, yes and no,” he smiled at me.  It was good to see that, I know first-hand that he must still be feeling the pain from his mother’s death, though hers was natural and expected, and Tom’s was neither.

“I’m guessing you will tell me what that means, Petey.”

“Once we have all the machines freed, cleaned off and started, YOU get to take your pick of one to keep,” this startled me into silence, but he didn’t seem to notice.  “And Jason gets one and so does Bobby.  The rest we’ll load up and take back to Moose Creek.”

“Why?” I had found my voice.

“A gift from a grateful township,” he looked almost hurt that I wasn’t overjoyed.

“These machines aren’t the township’s to give away, they belong to the dealership they were stolen from,” I insisted.

“Not anymore, Deborah.  Darlene will explain it better when you go into the office, but the dealership has given the township the machines, all of them, as a thank you for ridding the county of those renegades.” Petey was obviously delighted, and my guess is he gets the use of one of these too.

Well, they will certainly be better on gas!  Now to pick one… I think I’d better confer with John and Jason… I’m likely to pick one because of the color.


Once that decision was handed off to my two guys, I made I quick trip to the office to talk with Darlene.

“Pick out your new ride yet?” She grinned.

“Yeah, the one with the camouflage paint job provided they can get it started,” I really do like the detail on it.

“Why does that not surprise me,” Darlene confessed.

“And why didn’t you warn me?  You know I don’t like surprises like this,” I scowled at her.

“And why haven’t you been in to the office in,” she glanced at the calendar, “ five days?”

I dropped into the seat across from her instead of the chair at my desk.  “Permission to speak freely, Ma’am?”

She laughed, “Why ask permission now, you’ve always stated your mind.”

I looked down at my hands, they were trembling.  “I don’t know how much more I can take, Darlene.  I really don’t.  I feel I’m being torn apart inside.  I’m exhausted all the time, and I’m not thinking clearly.  See? I didn’t realize it had been five days since I’ve left the house.”  I took a deep breath.  “I feel on the edge of tears half the time, and that’s certainly not a good professional image to project!”

“And I see you’ve lost more weight.  Do we need to increase your rations?”

“No!  No more food!  I just don’t have much of an appetite anymore,” I confessed.

“What else is going on, besides the obvious,” Darlene was genuinely concerned.

I leaned back in my chair, not knowing how personal to get.  “Jason is moving out; over to Tom’s house.  I don’t know if John loves me or is staying with me for the… benefits.  I haven’t heard from my other son in Florida since this all started, and the worry is tearing me apart.” I know my voice cracked, but I can’t help it.

“I know what you need!  A vacation!” she exclaimed and I started to laugh, and laughed until I sobbed.  “But first you need to read this,” her voice gentled.  A communique from Sawyer AFB routed to Don White.

4 thoughts on “February 21

  1. Story Deborah has been SO strong for SO long, I was frankly beginning to wonder if she was capable of admitting to being vulnerable! Perfectly normal a reaction, given all that she has had to deal with!! I guess her son’s upcoming move was the straw that finally made her admit to her innermost feelings… great writing!!!!!

  2. All human beings crackle and crumble in the quieter moments in emergencies. Better to deal with it, and then move on, rather that have it surface in unpleasant and seemingly illogical ways, later on.

  3. The recent events in the Journal have to have taken a massive toll. Plus having Jason and Jacob move over to the other house. Sounds like Deborah has held everything together for so long that change has become something to dread and fear.
    Now she will be free to explore her relationship with John, though. Hoping that her fears on that will be groundless, another symptom of the stress she’s struggling to deal with.

  4. PTSD??? Wouldn’t surprise me, Deborah has been carrying a heavy load, trying to keep everything together and watch out for all her family and friends. Her brother’s death hit her harder than even she admits.

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